Womanhood & Wellness: The Conversations We Actually Need to Be Having

So I recently had the opportunity to sit on a panel for Women’s Her-story Month with Best Community Therapy. And let me tell you, this wasn’t your typical surface-level wellness conversation.

This was real. Honest. A little heavy at times, but also deeply validating.

I joined some incredible women, Nateanah Albury and La’Quesha Fonrose, hosted by Machel Best. We spent time unpacking something that doesn’t always get centered the way it should:

The wellness of Black women.

Of course, we’re in Women’s History Month, but I just found out (shoutout to TikTok for this one) that April is also Black Women’s History Month.

So yes, this conversation is right on time. If you missed it don’t worry because my friend Chel recorded it!

But let me give you a glimpse into what we talked about, because whew… we covered a lot.

Let’s Start Here: The “Strong Black Woman”

We had to talk about it.

Because if you’re a Black woman, you’ve probably heard some version of:
“You’re so strong.”
“You always get through it.”
“I don’t know how you do it.”

And while that can sound like a compliment… it doesn’t always feel like one.

Because what it often translates to is:
“You don’t need support.”

The “Strong Black Woman” narrative didn’t just appear, it was built out of survival. Generations of having to hold it together, figure it out, push through. But now? It’s expected. And that’s where it becomes a problem. Because Black women deserve to be:

• supported

• soft

• cared for

• and not always the one holding everything together

Strength should be something we choose, not something that’s constantly required of us.

How Patriarchy & Society Keep This Going

We also got into something deeper. How patriarchy and societal structures actively reinforce this narrative.

Men and society often perpetuate the “Strong Black Woman” stereotype in subtle and systemic ways. This is done through expectations, cultural narratives, and institutional responses.

First, there is the expectation of emotional labor.

Men can unintentionally reinforce this dynamic by relying heavily on Black women’s emotional strength without reciprocating it. In many relationships, Black women become the emotional anchor, leaving very little room for their own vulnerability. Black women are often expected to support everyone else (partners, children, coworkers, extended family, and social justice efforts). I am a proud “rich auntie,” but the reality is I am required to step in where father figures lack. This is not the fault of any individual man, systemic and cultural factors make it this way. 

When a Black woman expresses exhaustion, grief, or overwhelm, she may be told to “stay strong,” “push through,” or reminded of how resilient she is. And while that may sound like praise, it can actually silence real needs for care.

Second, media and cultural narratives reinforce this image.

Black women are often portrayed as:

• the caretaker

• the fixer

• the one who holds everything together

But rarely do we see Black women being:

• protected

• nurtured

• supported

• or given space to fall apart and be held

Over time, that shapes expectations socially and relationally. Somehow in the middle of both Black women and Black men suffering, we have found time to have “gender wars” online which have become the focus since the Pandemic. 

And then we see it reinforced institutionally such as healthcare and workplaces, where Black women’s pain and distress are often minimized because of the unconscious belief that they can “handle more.”

So again, what looks like admiration often turns into neglect.

Let’s Talk About Safety, Because That Matters Too

We can’t talk about wellness without talking about safety.

Black women experience disproportionately high rates of violence. According to national data, Black women are more likely than many other groups to experience domestic violence and sexual assault in their lifetime.

And yet, their stories are often:

• underreported

• under-protected

• and under-supported

So when we talk about stress, we have to acknowledge that for many women it’s a real safety concern.

Relationships, Marriage & Structural Barriers

We also touched on relationships and this is where nuance is important.

Statistically, Black women are less likely to be married compared to other groups, and about 70% of Black children are born to unmarried mothers.

Now let’s be clear, that does not automatically mean single-parent households. But it does point to a higher likelihood of women carrying more of the parenting and household responsibility.

And instead of jumping to blame, we have to look at context.

Because there are real systemic barriers that impact relationship dynamics, including:

• mass incarceration, which disproportionately impacts Black men

• economic instability

• limited access to resources

• and the psychological toll of navigating racism

Men are also navigating:

• microaggressions

• pressure to provide within unequal systems

• their own unprocessed trauma

So what we often see isn’t a lack of desire for partnership. It’s the impact of systemic strain on relationships and family structures. And in many cases, that strain lands heavily on Black women, who are then expected to “hold it all together.”

Work Doesn’t Always Feel Safe 

We also talked about navigating workplaces and specifically, micro-aggressions.

It’s not always loud.
It’s not always obvious.

But it’s constant.

And the internal dialogue becomes:
“Should I say something?”
“Was that intentional?”
“Is it even worth it?”

That ongoing stress? It adds up.

And again, it doesn’t just stay in your heads. It shows up in your body.

Trauma Lives in the Body

Trauma isn’t just something you think about, it’s something your body carries.

And for Black women, that includes:

• generational trauma

• systemic stress

• daily experiences that keep the nervous system activated

So healing has to go beyond just talking.

It has to include:

• movement

• rest

• community

• culturally competent care

• and spaces where you don’t have to be “on” all the time

Racial Trauma Is Everywhere

We named this clearly… Racial trauma doesn’t stay in one area of life.

It shows up:

• at work

• in relationships

• in healthcare

• in politics

It’s cumulative.

And that cumulative stress impacts both mental and physical health.

Let’s Talk About Health Without Blame

We also discussed higher rates of:

• high blood pressure

• heart disease

• diabetes

And again, this is not just about individual choices.

We have to look at:

• chronic stress

• systemic inequities

• access to care

• environmental factors

This is about what people have had to carry over time. 

Maternal Health: Being Heard Matters

Black women are more likely to experience complications during pregnancy and childbirth and a major factor is not being listened to.

That alone tells us something about how systems are functioning.

Because being heard shouldn’t be a privilege, it should be standard care.

Mental Health Is Shifting

We also talked about the rise in mental health concerns among younger Black women.

And that’s something we need to pay attention to.

Because when stressors increase and support systems decrease, something has to give.

Let’s Normalize Support

Therapy, community, rest—these shouldn’t be last resorts.

They should be part of how we live.

Because healing isn’t about proving how strong you are.
It’s about creating space where you don’t have to be strong all the time.

Watch the Full Conversation

There’s so much more nuance in the full discussion.

If any part of this resonated with you, I encourage you to watch the full panel.