Navigating Holiday Anxiety: Preparing for Family Gatherings

For many, the holidays are a time of warmth, connection, and nostalgia. But for those who grew up feeling unseen, dismissed, or harmed by their family, the holidays can stir up overwhelming emotions—anxiety, dread, resentment, or even grief. If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone, and your feelings are completely valid.

Feeling Overwhelmed? You’re Not Alone

If your family dynamics have historically been painful or invalidating, it makes sense that being around them might bring up old wounds. You may feel like you revert to a younger version of yourself, shrinking in the presence of family members who never truly saw or accepted you. Perhaps there’s a pressure to “keep the peace” or pretend everything is fine when, deep down, it isn’t.

Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you are weak or overly sensitive. It means you are recognizing the impact of your past and honoring your truth. Your nervous system is responding to something that was, and perhaps still is, emotionally unsafe. Acknowledging this is the first step toward regaining a sense of control over your experience.

Affirmations to Ground Yourself

• "I am allowed to take up space and honor my emotions."

• "My worth is not determined by my family’s perception of me."

• "It is okay to prioritize my peace over family expectations."

• "I am not responsible for managing other people’s emotions."

• "I have the right to set boundaries that protect my well-being."

• "I can choose what I engage with and what I walk away from."

  
  

Coping Skills for Family Gatherings

• Set Boundaries Ahead of Time: Decide in advance how long you’ll stay, what topics you won’t engage with, and what your personal limits are.

• Have an Anchor: Keep a comforting object in your pocket, like a stone or piece of jewelry, to remind yourself that you are in control.

• Breathe Intentionally: Try box breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4) to regulate your nervous system.

• Use a Grounding Technique: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method—name five things you see, four you touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.

• Plan a Support Check-In: Text or call a trusted friend during the gathering for a grounding moment.

• Step Outside: Taking a short walk or getting fresh air can help you reset and create some emotional space.

• Give Yourself Permission to Leave: You don’t need an excuse to leave if something feels too much. Your discomfort is reason enough.

  

Exit Strategies: Things to Say to Excuse Yourself

If you need a break from the table or an early exit, here are some polite ways to excuse yourself:

• "I need to step outside for some fresh air. I’ll be back in a bit."

• "I have a work deadline coming up, so I need to head out early."

• "I promised a friend I’d check in, so I’m going to take a quick call."

• "I have an early morning tomorrow, so I should get going soon."

• "I’ve been feeling a little off today, so I think I’ll call it an early night."

• "I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and need to take a moment for myself."

You Deserve Peace

The holidays don’t have to mean putting yourself in situations that harm your emotional well-being. Give yourself permission to honor your needs, set boundaries, and prioritize your mental health. Family is not defined by blood. It is defined by the people who see, hear, and honor you. You are allowed to choose who and what makes you feel safe and valued this holiday season.

If attending family gatherings feels like too much this year, that’s okay too. Your well-being is not a price you have to pay for tradition.