The Anxiety Trap: How Avoidance Keeps Us Stuck

Let’s talk about anxiety for a second. Not the cute "I’m nervous about this date" kind of anxiety, but the real, heavy kind. The kind that creeps in and makes your heart race, your stomach turn, and your thoughts spiral into a whole disaster movie you didn’t ask to watch. Yeah, that anxiety.

If you’ve ever felt like your anxiety has you stuck in a loop that you can’t get out of, you are not alone. That loop is real, and can sometimes come from a cycle of avoidance. It’s a trap a lot of us fall into without even realizing it, especially when we’re just trying to survive. Let’s break it down piece by piece so you can start noticing it and slowly reclaiming your power.


Step 1: Anxiety Hits

Something happens. Maybe it’s a social event, a flight you’re supposed to take, or a big task you’ve been avoiding. Suddenly, your body and mind go into full alert.

You might start fixating on the worst case scenarios or doubting your ability to handle it. Your body responds too. Shallow breathing. Racing heart. Shaking. Sweating. You might feel dread, irritability, or just this buzzing restlessness that makes it hard to sit still.

Your body is not betraying you. It’s trying to protect you. The problem is that sometimes our internal alarm system goes off even when there’s no real danger. And that’s where things get tricky.


Step 2: Avoidance Creeps In

When the anxiety gets too uncomfortable, we look for ways to shut it down fast. That’s when avoidance shows up looking like a friend.

You might cancel that trip because flying makes your chest tight. You might reach for a drink to calm your nerves before socializing. Or maybe you put off a work project because even thinking about it makes your stomach hurt.

Avoidance feels like a solution in the moment. And let’s be real, it does give some short term relief. But that peace is temporary, and it comes with a cost.


Step 3: The Numbing Behaviors

Here’s where things can get even more layered. Sometimes we are not just avoiding. We are numbing. And numbing can show up in all kinds of ways.

You might:

  • Use alcohol or weed to take the edge off

  • Overeat or binge on snacks to comfort yourself

  • Keep busy with work or errands so you don’t have time to feel

  • Stay home and isolate from people

  • Scroll for hours on your phone to zone out

  • Do risky stuff just to feel something

  • Emotionally shut down from yourself and others

These numbing behaviors are not random. They are protective strategies. They help us cope with pain, trauma, stress, or that deep feeling like life is just too much. And if you’ve leaned on these behaviors, let me say this clearly. You are not broken. You are not weak. You are surviving the only way you know how.


But here’s the thing. Numbing does not make the pain go away. It just buries it for a while. And it often comes back stronger.


Step 4: The Temporary Relief

Avoiding or numbing does bring some peace. You don’t have to feel the panic. You don’t have to face the fear. And for a while, you feel better.

But that trip you were looking forward to? You missed it. That social event you wanted to enjoy? You feel like you can’t go without a drink. That project you put off? Now the pressure is even worse.

The short term relief starts to build a wall between you and the life you really want.


Step 5: The Trap Gets Tighter

The next time anxiety shows up, it feels even more intense. You remember how bad it felt before, and your brain tries to protect you again by saying “let’s avoid this.”

And just like that, you start believing avoidance is the only way to feel safe. You start believing you cannot handle it. You reach for more ways to avoid, more ways to numb.

Now you’re not just avoiding flying. You’re avoiding travel completely. You’re not just drinking before a party. You’re relying on it to be around people. You’re not just putting off a few tasks. You’re falling behind, which triggers even more anxiety.

And the cycle continues.

So What Now?

Breaking the anxiety cycle is possible. But it starts with awareness.

If any of this feels familiar, please don’t beat yourself up. This is not about shame. This is about curiosity. Ask yourself, what are you avoiding? What are you numbing? And most importantly, what are you feeling underneath it all?

Start small. Practice staying with the discomfort just a little longer than you usually do. Take a deep breath. Call a friend. Talk to a therapist. Journal it out. Cry if you need to. Just give yourself permission to feel without running.

You do not have to stay stuck. You deserve to live a life that feels free and full, not one where fear calls all the shots.


You are not weak for feeling anxious. You are not lazy for procrastinating. You are not broken for numbing. You are human.

Healing is not perfect. It’s not linear. But it is absolutely possible.

Let’s keep going. One honest moment at a time.




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