When Life Knocks You Down, Don’t Ghost Your People

I am going to be open and transparent here, even though it is hard! Summer 2025? She has not been kind to me. I had all these plans for my life and what my “time off” was going to look like after quitting Kaiser. I imagined long, luxurious mornings, some travel, maybe a few cute summer adventures. Instead, I got heartbreak and grief served on a silver platter.

First, there was the breakup. And not one of those “mutually decided to go our separate ways” breakups. Nope. This was an earth shattering, didn’t see it coming, surprise deception kind of heartbreak. The kind that leaves you blinking at your phone like, Did that just happen?

As if that wasn’t enough, in the very same week, I found out one of my parents completed suicide. That makes the second suicide in my family within the last year. And here’s the kicker. This is a family that swears up and down that “we don’t have mental health issues” yet we have addiction struggles all over the place. When I have fully processed what happened, I will write a blog post on complicated grief.

Now, I’m a therapist. I know all about community, connection, and support systems. I preach about it to my clients. But this summer gave me a chance to practice what I preach and I’ll be honest, my first instinct was to curl up in a ball, melt into my mattress, and disappear from the world.

Instead, I made a different choice.

I Let My People Show Up

I called friends. I told them I was hurting. I let them pour into me in different ways. Some friends sat with me in my emotions and helped me hold the discomfort. Others distracted me with laughter and a little lighthearted drama of their own so I didn’t feel alone in the mess.

It was still painful. But it was also healing.

And leaning into community led to moments I never would have had if I had stayed in my little hermit shell. Or maybe more accurately, my cocoon, because what came out of it felt like the start of something brighter.

The Joy in Staying Consistent

Even when I felt like crumbling, I stuck to my routine, including my early morning Orangetheory workouts. One morning, my gym hosted a boat themed party with a live DJ. My friends convinced me to wear a bathing suit over my gym clothes for the theme. Ridiculous? Absolutely. Hilarious? Also yes. You officially have permission to laugh at my hot mess of an outfit.

Later that day, my old coworkers from Kaiser invited me to Lake Berryessa. Therapist friends are hard to hide from. They see your pain even when you try to mask it. I almost didn’t go. But they would not let me skip out, and thank goodness they didn’t. I ended up on a real boat, doing water activities I had never tried before, and even driving the boat. I came home sore, bitten up by bugs, and smiling.

The next day, I helped a new friend host a birthday party for another new friend. For context, all of these friendships are less than six months old. Deep, fulfilling relationships do not have to take decades to form, but you do have to put yourself out there. And in this case, putting myself out there meant throwing a pool party. Apparently, the Pisces in me is now fully committed to a water lifestyle.

The Lesson

If this summer has been rough for you too, I want you to know you are not alone. I am there with you. And while the instinct might be to pull away from everyone and disappear into your bed, there is something profoundly healing about letting people show up for you.

Sometimes, you have to get creative with where you find that community, especially if you have been isolated for a while.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Join a local Meetup group. There is something for everything, from hiking to board games to book clubs.

• Check out Facebook Groups for local events, hobby meetups, or neighborhood hangouts.

• Try Bumble BFF or other friendship apps to meet new people in your area.

• Volunteer at a local charity or nonprofit. You will meet people who care about the same causes you do.

• Attend a faith based community event. Even if you are not sure where you stand spiritually, many churches and temples welcome everyone.

• Take a class. Dance, art, pottery, cooking, whatever makes you curious.

• Join a recreational sports league. Bonus, it is built in exercise.

• Find a co working space if you work from home. Social energy without the office politics.

• Go to community events like farmers markets, art walks, or neighborhood block parties.

• Start your own gathering. Invite a few acquaintances for coffee or host a small dinner.

We cannot avoid grief, heartbreak, or life’s curveballs. But we can choose how we move through them. And sometimes, the bravest thing is not facing the storm alone. It is letting someone else stand in the rain with you.