🛑 STOP Before You Snap: The DBT Skill That Might Just Save You From Getting Fired, Dumped, or Dragged

If you are a little fire cracker like me, this one is for you! Let's set the scene. You’re out here trying to stay grounded, drink enough water, respond to texts, and maybe not cuss out your boss, partner, or the dude who just mansplained your own trauma back to you.

But emotions? They don’t always wait for logic to catch up. Sometimes they just hit like a flash flood, but in your chest.

That’s where the DBT STOP skill comes in.

It’s one of those deceptively simple, “Why didn’t anyone teach me this in 8th grade?” kind of tools. It’s basically a reset button for your brain when you feel like you’re about to wild out, shut down, or spiral so hard you end up in someone’s group chat.

🔥 Real Life Story: That Time I Almost Fumbled the Bag

So picture this:

You’re at work. You just finished leading a meeting that took days to prep for. You poured your whole self into it—stayed up past midnight, triple-checked your slides, even skipped lunch.

Right after, your supervisor says, “That could’ve been more concise.”

Boom.

You feel it. That tight chest, heat in your face, tears trying to form like you’re about to cry or fight or both.

You want to snap back: “Then you lead it next time, damn!” or walk out and blast Doechii in the parking lot while rage-eating Hot Cheetos.

But instead—you STOP.

✋ S — Stop

You freeze.

Don’t clap back. Don’t slam your laptop. Don’t get petty. Just pause.
Feel every muscle in your body like it’s saying, “Aight, let’s chill for a sec.”

You are not your emotions.
You are not your impulse.
You are the boss of this moment.

Name it: I feel dismissed. I feel embarrassed. I feel angry AF.

That’s real. But it doesn’t get to run the show.

🦶 T — Take a Step Back

You lean back in your chair, literally and mentally.

Take a deep-ass breath. Maybe two. Maybe ten.

Say nothing for a moment. Let the heat simmer down. You remind yourself:
“I ain’t gotta fix this right now. I ain’t gotta defend myself right now.”

Because responding in rage might feel good for five seconds—but regret lasts a hell of a lot longer.

👀 O — Observe

Now that you’ve cooled off just enough to blink without setting off smoke alarms...

Ask yourself:

• What just happened?

• What’s going on inside me right now?

• Is this about the comment? Or is this touching something deeper?

You notice: oh, this feels like when I was younger and never felt seen. It’s old pain flaring up in a new moment.

You peep your Automatic Negative Thoughts:
“I’m not good enough.” “They don’t respect me.”
You remind yourself: Thoughts ≠ Facts.

You look around. Nobody else in the meeting seemed thrown.
Okay. Facts gathered.

🧠 P — Proceed (Mindfully)

Now you ask: What’s my actual goal?
To be respected? To keep my job? To stand up for myself without burning it all down?

So maybe instead of clapping back, you calmly say:
“Thanks for the feedback. Let’s circle back later, I’d love to hear what parts landed and what felt too long.”

Boom. That’s power. That’s strategy. That’s emotional fluency.
You left the meeting with your dignity intact and your edges unbothered.

🔁 Practice Makes Power

The STOP skill isn’t just for workplace drama. It works when:

• Your cousin brings up politics at Sunday dinner

• Your boo says something slick mid-argument

• You get ghosted after a vulnerable convo

• A stranger disrespects your boundaries at TJ Maxx

Every time you STOP, you’re choosing power over panic.
You're breaking cycles. You're protecting your peace. You're becoming the version of you that your future self will thank you for.

Try This:

Think of a time recently when you:

• Got heated

• Acted off impulse

• Or emotionally shut down

Now rewind.
What if you had STOPped? What might’ve shifted?

Even if it’s just for one second—practice that pause.

In Case You Forgot:

STOP =

• Stop: Freeze before reacting.

• Take a step back: Breathe. Detach from the chaos.

• Observe: Notice what’s actually going on inside and out.

• Proceed mindfully: Choose your next move with intention, not emotion.

Because you’re not here to be run by your feelings.
You’re here to feel them, honor them, and then lead anyway.

Got a STOP moment to share? Drop it in the comments. We’re all out here trying to stay grounded in a world built to keep us reactive. Let’s help each other out.

🖤 Stay soft. Stay smart. Stay in control.