Self-Esteem vs. Beauty Standards: The Never-Ending Battle

Ever look in the mirror and think, Wow, I love how society has designed me to hate myself? No? Just me? Cool, cool.

Let’s be real: If you’ve ever felt insecure about your body, your skin, your age, or literally anything about your appearance, just know—it’s not a coincidence. It’s by design. Fatphobia, colorism, ageism? All socially constructed nonsense designed to keep us chasing an ever-changing, unattainable ideal.

Social Media: The Ultimate Self-Esteem Wrecker

As if centuries of oppressive beauty standards weren’t enough, now we have social media to remind us in real time that we’re not enough. I mean, how dare I not own a vacation home in Bali by 30? Why can’t my relationship look like that influencer’s perfect, curated, probably fake love story? And can someone please explain why I don’t wake up with a glass-skin glow and zero under-eye bags?!

And don’t even get me started on those Sexiest People Alive lists. Who decided they were the sexiest? (Oh right, the same folks who profit off us feeling unattractive.) It’s all a ploy to make us feel bad so we spend money trying to “fix” ourselves. See my last blog post on consumerism—late-stage capitalism is working overtime.

What Even Are Beauty Standards?

Beauty standards are society’s way of telling us what’s attractive, and guess what? They change all the time. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a trip through time:

• 
  Victorian Era – Curvy, pale skin? Gorgeous. Extra weight? A sign of wealth.

• 1920s – Slim, boyish figures? Stunning. Women out here flattening their chests for the look.

• 1950s – Marilyn Monroe hourglass vibes. Extra padding in all the “right” places.

• 90s/2000s – The “heroin chic” era (yikes). The thinner, the better.

• Now? – BBLs were the thing. Now everyone’s dissolving them. Eco-living and minimalism are trending (probably just for the aesthetics).

Moral of the story? The standard will shift again. And again. And again. So, chasing it? Exhausting. Assimilation and conforming to what society finds desirable today? Pointless.

Beauty Standards and Mental Health: A Toxic Relationship

Let’s not pretend beauty standards are just “fun little trends.” They deeply impact mental health.

• Body image issues – Because if you don’t fit the current mold, society makes sure you know it.

• Self-worth struggles – If media only uplifts one kind of beauty, what happens if you don’t fit?

• Social interactions – Ever notice how people treat you differently depending on how close you are to the “ideal”?

  

So, What Can We Do About It?

If you’re reading this and thinking, Okay, but how do I stop feeling like garbage every time I scroll past another influencer with a six-pack and a perfect life?, here’s what we can do:

1. Be Mindful of What You Consume

• Follow people who actually uplift you.

• Diversify your feed. Stop letting algorithms feed you the same Eurocentric, unrealistic beauty ideals.

• Remember, social media is a highlight reel—not real life. (Seriously, that influencer probably Facetuned their candid beach pic.)

2. Challenge Desirability Politics

• If you don’t subscribe to desirability politics (a.k.a. the idea that your value is tied to how attractive society finds you), congrats—you’re ahead of the game.

• But if you do feel the pressure (because duh, we all do), start questioning it. Who benefits from you feeling ugly? (Hint: It’s not you.)

3. Find a Therapist Who Gets It

• Therapy is great, but let’s be real—some therapists aren’t equipped to unpack these issues.

• Seek out a therapist who actually understands the impact of societal oppression on self-esteem.

4. Redefine Beauty for Yourself

• What do you find beautiful? Not what they told you.

• Can we normalize wrinkles, textured skin, and aging like a human?

5. Prioritize Self-Esteem Over External Validation

• Take care of your body because you love it, not because you’re trying to meet some random standard.

• Challenge negative self-talk. Would you say those things to a friend? No? Then stop saying them to yourself.

• Surround yourself with people who hype you up (and distance yourself from those who don’t).

  
  

The Bottom Line: Love Yourself. Period.

We have been conditioned to believe we are not enough. But guess what? You are. And the moment you realize that, you become unstoppable.

If you need help navigating self-esteem struggles, let’s talk. I offer free consultations, and I’d love to help you break free from the trap of toxic beauty standards.

Because at the end of the day? You don’t need to change. The system does.